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Home ;; 14. Follow That Dream! I
couldn’t believe it. I thought I must’ve been dreaming. Or that Wally was
wrong and it really was Absinthe
and this was a hallucination. Nope. There I was walking down the street with
Günter and we were on our way back to our hotel room to. . .uh. . have an
awake wet dream. “Do
you have to skip?” he asked me. “Oh.
Sorry’ How embarrassing. But
I didn’t really care. I couldn’t care about anything at that moment. I
wasn’t skipping, I was soaring. In two blocks, I would be alone with him in
that room. In one block, we’d be in bed together. Just around the corner,
we’d get naked and… Goddamnmotherfuckingcocksuckingsonofabitch! Our
hotel was surrounded by police! Our hotel was barricaded! Our hotel was
unattainable! There
had to be a hundred police out there! And a thousand spectators! It took
seventeen conversations in three languages to get six tidbits of
information. All anyone knew was that a man and a transvestite were busted
trying to make a large drug buy and the man had taken hostages. And the
police thought it was going to
take all night to get them out of there! I
sat down on the curb and cried. “Let’s
go for a walk’ Günter said. It
was a beautiful, moonlit night. I could have really enjoyed it if I hadn’t been so goddamn pissed
off! I
think we walked for an hour. Somewhere along the way he put his arm around my
shoulder and pulled my arm around his waist. Then I wasn’t angry anymore. Then
we were standing silently, arm in arm, looking out into nothingness. I could
see the moon’s reflection in the water off in the distance. “The
water seems so far away:’ I said. “That
is because we are so high:’ he said. “Oh:’
I said, thinking he meant high on booze. “What’s that noise?” “Ocean
waves:’ he told me. “Where’s
it coming from?” “Down
there’ “Where?” “There’ Holy
shit! We were standing right at the edge of a cliff a hundred feet above the
water! Straight down!! I got dizzy. Günter steadied me. He
kissed me. I felt strange kissing someone who was taller than I am. Somehow
inferior. Somehow passive. Somehow dominated. I inched up onto a flat rock
that was next to my left foot. I felt more comfortable. Somehow equal. I
kissed him. “Do
you want to make love?” he asked me. “Here?!” “Yes “I
can’t even breathe! How’m I gonna make love?!” “Try:’
he said, removing his sweater. Oh
god. I’m
not going to tell you what happened. It’s too embarrassing. Oh what the hell!
I fainted. And it wasn’t from the
sight of his naked body glistening in the moonlight. Or because I was
freezing out there, nude, on that high cliff. I fainted because when he knelt
and put his arms around my hips, I looked down at the water instead of at him
and fell dead away on top of him. And I don’t know if he continued or not
because I was unconscious for some time. If
karma exists, I must have done something really terrible at one time or
another. Our love affair was not made in heaven, that’s for goddamn sure! “Guten Morgen’ Gunter said.
I was in bed. Naked. “Was that a dream?” I asked. “No:’ he answered. “Is
this our hotel room?” “Yes.
The man got away from the police. Would you like some coffee?” “Yes.
You said ‘Guten Morgen Does that
mean it’s morning?” I asked. “Yes. See?” He pointed to the window, which was
filled with obvious daylight. “Where
did you get coffee?” “Around
the corner’ Why is
he being so nice to me? I wondered. I didn’t feel sore anywhere. “Did you
carry me back here?” I asked. He lit a cigarette and handed it to me. - “Wally
gave us a lift’ “Wally?” “Yes.
After I finally got your clothes back on you, I started carrying you. Then
Wally came by in a car and brought us back here. There’s more coffee if you
want some’ I
nodded. He poured it for me and then sat on the bed next to me. “I
liked the poem you wrote for me:’ he said. “What
poem?” “About
fear’ “Oh.
yeah. Thanks’ I was getting very confused. The situation was a lot easier to
deal with in my fantasies, in my dreams and under the influence of alcohol
than it was in real life. . in broad daylight. He put
his hand on my chest. My heart tried to pound its way out of its cage.
Breathing became impossible. What
if he wants to have intercourse anally? I thought. With my anally? I’d never
done that before. I was a virgin! Günter
was rubbing something on my chest. Günter was also naked! When did he do
that? And what is that stuff he’s rubbing on me? “What
is that?” “Oil.” “What kind of oil?” “I
don’t know’ “Where’d
you get it?” “Hermes’ “Hermes?”
Why am I having to drag all this out of him? “He
gave it to me when we shook hands. See, it says ‘Rub gently
on Tad’s body and it will drive him crazy:” “Let
me see that!” “No.
It says ‘Rub gently on skin for sensuous pleasure. May also be used as a
lubricant:” Uh
oh. The
rubbing had progressed to my belly. “Look,
Tad hat einen Steffenn’ Günter
said. “Einen what?” “Einen
Stander?’ “Oh.
Yeah:’ Hard as a rock. Peeking out of the covers. So did Günter. Have einen Steif Stander. We
didn’t fuck. What we did was rub that oil on each other. All over. And under.
And in between. And then lick it off. Completely. Twice. Each. Ever
have sore tongue muscles? It’s weird. It took
all day. And most of the night. I
was angry with Hermes for cheating us on the Absinthe, but I would be
eternally grateful to him for his magic oil. “Why
did it take so long for this to happen?” I asked Gunter. We were sitting
naked on the window ledge, looking at the city lights. “I
am not sure. I think it was because I did not trust you enough:’ “Trust
me how?” “To
not... I do not know:’ I
got cigarettes for us and then stood leaning against him. “I
would like to understand:’ I told him. “People
always want to buy me. I thought you wanted to buy me also:’ “Not
on my budget:’ “That
is not. . “I know. I’m sorry. I’m afraid you’re right
though. If I would’ve had any money, I probably would’ve tried to buy you.
Maybe letting Stacey and the others pay for both of us was doing just that:’ “What do you mean?” he asked. “I mean that I invited you to go along with us in
Barcelona because I knew that they would pay for everything. I guess I hoped
you’d be grateful. I also remember that I kept handing you cigarettes faster
than you could smoke them. And I also kept passing the wine bottle to you
that night after La Guitarra, even
when it hadn’t been around to the others yet. I don’t blame you for not
trusting me. I was trying to buy you. I don’t deserve He stuck his tongue in my mouth to shut me up. I slept like a baby that night, nestled in his arms.
Morning felt terrific! I reached for the bottle of oil. It was empty! Günter rolled on top of me. I closed my eyes. (Have
you ever watched a cat hesitating just outside some new, dark adventure? You
can tell that it’s scared to death, but that it’s dying to do whatever it is.
Curious as hell, but tentative—that’s how I felt at that moment.) Günter was
nibbling my neck. I opened my eyes, unfortunately letting out one of those
little personal and very private moans that we save for moments of ecstasy.
I say unfortunate because when I opened my eyes, I was looking right into
Stacey’s eyes! “Stacey!” I screamed in poor Gunter’s ear. “Hi:’ she said, calmly. “Hello:’ Gunter said, calmly. I wasn’t calm at all! “What the hell are you doing
in here?!” I tried to grab the covers, but they were stuck under Günter’s
legs and he wasn’t moving. “Move!” I yelled! He did. Just slightly. His tan
line was still exposed to the world. How can they be so calm? I’m lying in
bed naked. There is a naked mar, lying on top of me. There is a woman friend
standing right there next to the bed. This is not time for calm. This is time
for hysteria! “Your door wasn’t locked:’ she said. “I don’t care! You could’ve knocked and waited for
someone, anyone, to say ‘Come in!’” I pulled the covers so hard that they
came up over my head and thus exposed my lower half—the half with the Stander! I gave up. I jumped out of
bed to find my pants. Günter
pulled the sheet up to his tan line and settled back on the bed, amused by it
all. “It’s important!” Stacey insisted. “What’s
important?” I demanded. “Wally’ “What about Wally?!” “He’s disappeared!” ;; List of
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